Pens Sweep Sens; Go Home Canadians

What a difference a year makes! The Pens delivered the fatal blow last night in Ottawa as they defeated the Senators 3-1. The Senators never really had a chance in this series, the Pens put forth a much better effort, and it showed.

There were a lot of difference makers out there for the Pens that you could give credit to, but the man who deserves the most praise for his play is the Flower, Marc Andre Fleury. Throughout the first four games Fleury has only allowed 5 goals total. Sure the Sens were a broken down team, but don’t take anything away from his effort. Despite missing a couple months due to a high ankle sprain, Flower has proven to everyone he is the best goalie in the playoffs thus far.

As for the Sens, they looked like a team who had given up. Sure captain Daniel Alfredsson came back in game 3, but he clearly wasn’t 100% and was largely a non-factor in the two games he had played. Superstar Jason Spezza also nursing a injury, couldn’t get it done. Spezza recorded only one assist in all four games. All in all the Pens were just too much for to handle.

Nice efforts from Hossa, Geno, Sid, and the rest of the crew in round one. Now we wait and see who will be next up on the hit list. Should give the players such as Gary Roberts plenty of time to heal up and be ready to go again next week. Lets go PENS!

Top 10 Mike Lange Sayings

It’s a… HOCKEY NIGHT in Pittsburgh!! In the Burgh we love our Penguins and we also love veteran Pens announcer Mike Lange. Lange was Penguins television announcer from 1975 until 2006. Lange now calls the game’s for Pens radio affiliate 105.9 The X, with the Ole’ two-niner, Phil Borque.

PN@ prefers listening to Lange and his “Lange-isms” as opposed to listening to Paul Steigerwald and Bob Errey talking about big sticks….

If your from Pittsburgh and you don’t know about the legacy of Mike Lange then “shame on you for six weeks”. Lange has reached icon status as the Pens announcer achieving a similar level of fame to the late and great, Myron Cope. So in honor of the Penguins upcoming playoff run, here is the Top 10 Mike Lange Sayings…

We at PN@ hope to one day have our faces immortalized on a IC Light can too...

10. (Insert goalie name here) just lost his liquor license.

This quote starts out the list, it doesn’t really make much sense (most of these don’t as you will soon find out). However, it is still funny and the fact that Lange is rumored to love the sauce makes it even funnier. And since our beers are now 10% more expensive thanks to Onorato and his infinite wisdom, this is definitely one that fits where we're at as a city...

9. She wants to sell my monkey.

Of course she does, she never lets you keep anything you like. Like a monkey isn’t practical? Geez. It can help you spell (ala Cartman), steal you stuff and it's a chick magnet. Hmmm, I think I'm seeing why she wants to sell my monkey afterall...

8. Call Arnold Slick from Turtle Creek.

Okay so if you’re from outside the Burgh this one is flying way over your head… (That’s probably the reason why us Burghlers love it even more) If you’re not from Pgh, then this doesn’t rhyme. Conversely if you speak Pittsburghese then it makes perfect sense as Slick and creek (pronounce crick) sounds pretty nice together. And as PNA says - If you're not from Pittsburgh, go %#$@ yourself (thank you Ricky Bobby, who is an honorary Burgher )

7. How much fried chicken can you eat?

It is no secret that there is a ton of fatties in Pittsburgh, and in the Mellon Arena supporting the Pens (just look around next time your there). The mere mention of fried chicken when a player scores a goal gets our fat fans mouths watering, while simultaneously giving them a hunger for more scores.

6. He beat him like a rented mule

Being a rented mule must not be an easy life… still probably better then being a Bucco’s fan though. At least both share the fact that they know a beating is coming.

5. Buy Sam a drink, and get his dog one too.

Again with the drinking, Lange sure knows what us Pittsburghers like doesn’t he? Seeing as how Pittsburgh is the type of place where I actually wouldn’t be surprised to see man’s best friend sitting inside of a bar drinking, this one makes sense. Plus, dogs are hilarious when they're drunk (so I've heard - PNA doesn't endorse the drunkening of dogs for amusement's sake, less we have PETA digging in our asses).

4. He doesn’t know whether to cry or wind his watch.

Simply a classic, and definitely an all time favorite, Mario used to make goalies look so silly and this one was used frequently. Now it’s Sid the Kid and Geno’s turn to make Martin Gerber look like a clown. (By the way, his Rolex is doing fine, so get that SOB some Kleenex)

3. Scratch my back with a hacksaw/ Shave my face with a rusty razor.

Those two quotes give you a nice mental image don’t they? I just wonder where Lange comes up with this crazy nonsense. I guess he's seen Snack's playoff beard (which is glorious). Whatever he is smoking, send some PN@’s way!

2. Get in the fast lane grandma, the Bingo game is ready to roll.

I dare you, no double dare you, to get in the way of a grandma and her bingo game. It would be curtains for you…. Curtains!!!! The Early Bird games begin at 7 and it's 6:45 for the Sens right now...time for them to move it into the right hand lane and watch the blue-hairs fly by..

1. Ladies and Gentlemen… Elvis has left the building.

Ahh this one is music to the ears of any Penguins fans, as it signifies that the Pens have the game locked down and they are coming out with a win. As soon as Mike Lange proclaims Elvis to be gone, then so too are the chances of the other team winning the game, and it’s party time! Which means you can find Lange at some seedy joint in the Strip, sipping on his scotch with his hound dog by his side. LETS GO PENS!

Honorable Mention - He took the heat out of a hot kitchen, Michael… Michael… motorcycle, Look out Loretta, Great balls of fire, Big Ben strikes one, Heeeeeeeee…. Shoots and scores, He’s smiling like a butcher's dog, He’s handing out checks like it’s the first of the month, Book ‘em Danno.

Snack Attack

Last night's Pens game was one of the best I've seen in a long time - it prolly didn't hurt that we were at lovely Crystal's in the Strip, but the way the game was played and our explosive third period really made it a game to remember. We won 4-1 and took a stranglehold on the first round series, which we now lead 3 games to none.

The Flower was his (I can't believe I'm saying this by the way) usual amazing self, letting in only one goal during a Senator flurry that seemed to last about the first half of the game. Sid the Kid got his first playoff of the season yesterday, as did Marian "it's about f-ing time" Hossa.

The Talbot even had himself one heckuva game, including the tying goal that went five hole on Gerber. Everyone played well, with the exception of Whitney, who I continue to hate on for his poor defensive play. I think that contract may have been jumpin the gun a little bit, but hey, I'm not in charge of the team - I just write about them.

The Steelers schedule was announced today, and we got the short end of the stick again. Not only do we have the "toughest" schedule in all of football, but we also have to play 11 games at times other then 1PM Sunday. Why the hell we'd be playing so many night/late afternoon games is beyond me, but I guess the NFL in their infinite wisdom decided we shouldn't play on Sundays...

And finally, how about our Pittsburgh Pirates, who are now a game above .500 and looking good, despite our horrible, horrible defense. If we keep hitting and pitching like this, and our defense works itself out, who knows, maybe we could be a darkhorse contender in the NL Central...

Until tomorrow, when you will all learn why Mike Lange is a true pimp and playa...

Diego's Links and a Snack Attack

We're going to give yinz the rare double dipper today of a links section compiled by Diego himself and a verbal beatdown compliments of Snack. Also, this week's kind of a light one for Snack at the butcher shop, so it should be a busy week for us here at PNA...

And we got a new top 10 that'll either be posted today or Wednesday...so keep your eyes peeled...

Diego's Links -

After returning from an out of town trip I was shocked to find out that the Buccos actually swept the series against the Reds. (This is not a late April fools joke) Only April and already we’ve swept a series?? Lets go Bucs and John Russell for mayor!

Here's an article about possible Steelers first round selection, Boston College offensive tackle, Gosder Cherilus. If that isn’t an offensive lineman name, then I dunno what is.

The Bleacher Report believes the Penguins are the team to beat this year in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, PNA agrees.

There is no doubt the Pens' defense is a lot tougher this year then last. One of the main reason’s for that was the the addition of youngin’ Kris Letang to the Pens roster.

Former Pittsburgher and QB legend Dan Marino will speak at the Pitt commencement on April 27th.

Top 10 most miserable sports cities

Snack Attack -

Well first things first; the Pens looked great from our view up in section E32 of the Igloo. And other then me falling all over the poor bastards in the row below us and my piss poor attempts to hit on Diego's girlfriend's roomie (Diego, I , his gf and her roomie all sat together and, consequently, got hammered together beforehand), it was one helluva experience.

Hopefully we get some of the pics we took beforehand so we can show yinz - you won't be dissappointed in them, trust me...

Now onto tonite...

I think this is the game we COULD, and I mean COULD lose. I have complete faith in our boys, but let's face it, if those Canadian jagoffs are gonna make a stand tonight would have to be the night. But it's not gonna be easy for them, unless we make it so, which is something I really hope doesn't happen.

We got a little lazy once we got our 3-0 lead in game two, but I personally think it'll motivate us to not take any plays off at all tonight. But we'll see, it'll be a hard-fought game no matter what, and hopefully we can put a stranglehold on this matchup and end it in four...

As for the rest of the sporting world, I have one question - who the hell is Trevor Immelman and why is he winning the Masters? I was under the impression that this was Tiger's year to win everything, or maybe that chubby bastard (and Big Snack favorite) Phil Mickelson would upend him, but certainly not some South African I've never heard of...

And PS - what is it with South African's being so damn good at golf? Ernie Els, Goosen and now this guy. Do they even have a PGA Tour over there (or the equivalent)? I know Gary Player started the whole trend of South Africans being good at golf, but these three are taking it to a new level.

Next up is the Buccos...6-6 really isn't as bad as I thought we'd be, especially with no Jack Wilson, LaRoche playing like crap and Freddy playing sparingly. Gorzo finally pitched well, Snell has looked good all year and what can be said about Nate McLouth that hasn't already been said abotu topless ladies serving you beer in a tropical paradise - he's fantastic!

McLouth and Nady have been carrying us all year, along with Doumit and Brian Bixler...psyche, Bixler sucks, and has already cost us a win, so either we need to trade and get Brent Lillibridge back from Atlanta (peace out Duffman) or Jumpin' Jack needs to return ASAP.

Alrighty, hope you enjoyed my rant and Diego's links...Look for us during the first period down at lovely Crystal's in the strip, where our boy the Swineburna will be bartending. Who knows, maybe we'll even stay for two periods - all I know is with this lovely new Comcast HD Cable at my crib, I will definitely be watchin some of it here...

Until lata, GO PENS!!!